Mourning

I lost a niece today.

Her mother is heart broken as are the rest of us. She was supposed to get on a plane to go meet her in three days.

I mourn a world that doesn't understand why this is devastating. I mourn a world that doesn't value her children. I mourn a world that doesn't know that this child, whom we have never met, is still in our family. I mourn.

I go to the library and am asked how I am. "Doing alright," I lie. My niece died. Oh dear! Which one? She's the baby girl we planned to welcome home next month. Oh. I play the conversation out in my head and opt to keep it to myself.

I make the calls and scrape my heart off the floor to play Tomas the Train with my son who doesn't understand why mommy can't stop crying and I even question it myself.

For those people who don't understand adoption, who don't see it as anything but a chance to grow your family should you desire more children, who don't know that if we don't value the next generation all hope is lost, who don't see the value in a soul with special needs (be it chromosomal, color, age, birth defect, or otherwise), they might not understand why we are all crying.

Thank goodness you hadn't met her.
You really dodged a bullet. Imagine if she'd come home and then died.
All things work together for good.

I mourn a world that would see this as anything other than the loss that it is.

Yes, we are mourning a child we never knew.
She died without her mommy.
But she went to Jesus loved.
Her mommy said yes.